About “A Crazy World”

I wrote this story in late 2001, after a long hiatus from writing of any kind. Not just creative writing, but any sort of writing. Of course, there was a catalyst that pushed me to write again. I was going through an emotional crisis due to changes in my personal situation. I sought some sort of catharsis in writing. It was a way to make some sense of how I was feeling. Writing it down allowed me to step back from myself.

“A Crazy World” is about disillusionment, mainly about “doing the right thing” or “being good”. I’ve had an atypical childhood, having experienced many different surroundings and mixed with a good range of people. I’ve had many kinds of influences, with few constants. One thing that stuck with me throughout, however, was a desire to “be a good person”. That was the only unvarying standard that I held myself to, while everything shifted around me.

Sometimes, I admit, it can become “tiring”. “Nice guys finish last” didn’t enter the lexicon for no reason; there is some truth to it. Still, I would not like to live my life to that maxim alone.

I wrote “A Crazy World” just to put down that sense of frustration and confusion. Sometimes you want to shout out loud; give in to baser instincts; look out for your own interests only, the rest of the world be damned. Sometimes you want to cry in frustration.

The story reads as quite a disjointed piece. It is frustrating, and not altogether captivating, but it was never meant to be anything other than the ramblings of an inner voice. The protagonist fills in for an aspect of me, a facet of me that was reeling from the “unfairness of life”.

I did not find positive affirmation for my beliefs. I did not heal easily. But I did learn to recognize that frustration in me. And I could look at it with some detachment, without letting it consume me, as it had begun to.